A Good, A God, Day

Today has been a good day. Woke up at 8:15 this morning to get ready for church. The kids were good and got ready with out much fuss. Got to Church a few minutes late but that was fine since things start a bit late anyways. We had a wonderful discussion in Sunday School that was about renewing your mind which is part of a larger lesson on Spiritual Warfare. Seriously a fantastic life changing class.

Our youth Pastor Dayton delivered a good message. Afterward we went out to eat at Golden Coral which was really good and we had a server that was Johnny on the spot. A nice change from the norm. The kids ate a good meal with no complaints at all. We took them home and then went shopping for baby stuff. No luck with finding a crib today since they was pretty low on stock. Picked up a few needed things and headed home.

Kids played games and I played some on the computer that I finally got setup in it's new location. Right here where I'm typing this out now. I didn't notice the time till I walked up stairs and my wife told me that I was going to be late for the Sunday night service at the assisted living housing. I first didn't want to go but God was putting it on me to go. You know, if feel like you're a dirt bag if you don't do it, it's probably God telling you to do it. Not that God plays like that but if you don't listen to the first sentence the next sentence is probably conviction. Sort of look at it like this: Dory will you take out the trash please. .... Dory this trash is really starting to get in the way and I can't talk to you clearly through the mess won't you please take it out.

So I ran out the door and jumped in my truck and headed up to the old folks home arriving with about 2 minutes to spare. They sang a bunch of the songs I grew up with in Church. These were songs my parents and grandparents loved. Songs I heard them sing with reverent passion and they will always be with me. Everyone there even though many years older than most people I know were more alive than everyone I do know. It was a good time and I didn't want to leave but it was time to go.

On my way home I was listening to my HAM radio giving amateur radio broadcast news when I noticed a truck on the side of the road with it's hazards on. As I drove past I looked over and noticed a guy trying to change a tire with a tiny flash light. Changing a tire no big deal right? I felt I should turn around though and see if he needed help. I was low on gas, hungry, and had to pee pretty bad and I debated it for a second but just figured I'd be best to obey God's push once again so I made a quick U turn and headed back.

I pulled my truck into the ditch and added some extra light for him to work. Ended up that his jack was messed up but I forgot my keys at home to unlock my hi-lift jack. Good thing was his dad was about 3 miles away because he was going back home about 150 miles away. Anyways I could tell the guy was frustrated with this piece of junk factory jack that broke so I just made friendly conversation with him and his wife while we waited. Really kept the situation cool and calm. I didn't want to leave with out making sure they was going to be OK. His dad arrived about 20 minutes later with a floor jack and they managed to get the tire changed. They all thanked me for stopping to give them some light to work with. I felt good about stopping and next time I know to be better prepared for myself and hopefully help someone else.

Anyways I felt today was a good God day for me. God told me to go to the Sunday night service so I could be there to give a helping hand to that couple on the side of the road. Who knows what might have happened if I didn't stop. I left them and prayed that they would have a safe a comfortable trip home.

I know that don't seem like a fantastic post but to me it was a reward that I am great full for.

Babies Away!

Today at 2:40pm CST We went to the doctor for a ultrasound. Course they don't have the really cool 3D imaging ultrasounds that are becoming common place in the commercial sector.

That's OK I'm more interested in finding out the sex rather than the facial features. Unfortunately the baby didn't want to willfully disclose it's sex. Being a proper lady she kept her legs crossed all the while. The technician tried and tried but wasn't able to get a clear image required. But she did give a educated guess that the baby is a girl and that's what we're praying for. So say Hello to Lydia Marie named for her great grandmother on her fathers side. May God bless you and bring you safely into my arms.

Christmas Truce of 1914

Yesterday I was watching BYU TV and they had a program called Music and the Spoken Word. This is a long run TV/Radio program that's been produced since 1929 by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Last nights program was a a rebroadcast of called "One Silent Night" hosted by Walter Cronkite. The program was amazingly well done and very moving to watch. The subject was based on the Christmas Truce of 1914.

I would highly encourage everyone to look into the history of this event.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_truce

Even in times of war God's solace presence in so evident here. Enemies laid down their arms, climbed out of the trenches, and took time to greet and share the Christmas spirit. Gifts were given, games were played, traditional music of warring nations sung.

I've read the accounts of this truce on several websites giving different accounts and everyone seem to show the same miracle happening that Christmas day. So take a moment and understand that even in our darkest times God is there.

The Course of my Salvation from birth to rebirth.

Ok I'm moving my blogs around to this website to centrally locate everything. Several months back I had come to the lowest point of my human existence. I made a public plea on a website called the www.experienceproject.com on a subforum called -I Hate my Wife-.

First off before I cut and paste that post raw and unedited to this website I want to make a small disclosure of my life.

I was born in 1974 in St. Louis Missouri. As a infant I brought in South Side Assembly of God. About 5 years later we moved to Dexter Missouri and went to my dad's church, Essex Assembly of God. I went to church and Sunday school, Wednesday youth night. I thought I accepted God because I want to see my Grandpa and Grandma in Heaven. Now We weren't rich, actually we were comfortably poor. In school I wasn't popular because I was a small Mexican looking kid who wasn't wearing the latest fashions. I was like next to the last kid picked for all sports because of this. Growing up I loved astronomy and airplanes. My room was nothing but Air Force posters, model planes, and a giant star field I painted on my wall. I did finally make some wonderful friends growing up. I graduated in 1992 with a average grade level and enlisted in the US Air Force. I got engaged to a pretty gal I met several months before I shipped off to basic training. After basic training I went to technical school to train for my career field. There I decided to break off the engagement. I wanted to be single for a while. After I got to my first duty station I returned home to visit my friends where my good friend Brian brought my previously engaged girlfriend back to see me. Soon after we got married and have been so for several years. How many well you 'd have to ask her.

I know where it all started. I understand that I failed to be a good husband a long time ago. But let me fast forward to the lowest point of my life and where I once and for all decided to give my life over to God. Here's what I posted on that other website:

Ok only reason I am here is because I don't have a single soul on this planet I can talk to. I don't even know if God is listening. Well the economy is putting one hell of a strain on our lives, hell everyones lives. We generated alot of debt over the years but we are working to get it down, it sucks but we're doing it. The other day we was walking around lowes and I needed to get some parts to fix the shower. I mentioned I'd like to get some stuff to do a small project and then she starts bitching rather loud about how I never finish a project. Ok So I got a project car in the garage she agreed to let me do but really? I was building new beds for the kids and I still need to get back on those but they are way down the priorty list. Anyways the money. she complains about me spending money, yet at the same time she will go buy starbucks and eat out. While I take a sandwhich to work with me. this really ****** me off.

She always complains that I don't do enough around the house. Thing is these last few months she has hardly been helping at all. She started complaining about me not doing anything. Now I'm doing as much as I can short of cooking (she will ***** about that) For example- this week I cleaned the downstairs rooms, spotless! Wiping walls, steam cleaning carpets, rearranging rooms, tossing out clutter. Not a damn bit of help. She comes home from a office job were she plays on the internet all day. Gets in the pool with the kids and then cooks a **** poor dinner, does a terrible job cleaning the kitchen, then sits on her butt watching TV till she falls asleep.

I work nights, from 10pm to 6am. I see her for like 1 hour while she's getting ready for work before I go to sleep. Now yesterday I finally finished the down stairs rooms, look picture perfect. I plan to take some photos of the new layout for a online forum. But I'm exhausted so I fall litterally on the bed. I had been up for nearly 30 hours after work trying to clean up the basement. No sooner was I out my oldest boys girlfriend (he's 11) comes over to go swimming with my wife's permission. The pool is right outside my window. Great loud kids outside and I'm exhausted! The girl finally leaves and then a boy comes over they are quite for a while so I finally fall asleep. Hours later I wake up to the surround sound booming at 1am. Surpise to me is that this kid is spending the night. I was never asked or told this was going to happen. My damn wife goes to sleep in the kids room while the kids are down stairs watching movies. While I'm in our bed alone. Now those rooms that I spent a week on cleaning is destroyed again in no time.

Ok so I'm major pissed right now and would love to punch her in the throat. There nothing in the house to eat and the wife is at work right now. yea on a saturday. Then she told me a couple days ago she wants to have a girls night out with her friends at work. Now I don't drink, i've had too many friends and family die to alchohol. She knows this. I don't get to see her much and when we could be together she wants puts down plans to go out with people she sees everyday for hours a day. Like last night, a night we could be together she has my kids friends over all night.

She hasn't called all day. My kids friend is still over and it's been like 24 hours now since he came over. hell I don't know if they had lunch, there's nothing in the house and I pretty much seperated myself from them today because I'm in a really bad mood. They haven't asked for food so I won't offer any. Makes me a bit sad for my youngest, but he knows to ask me for something to eat.

Like I mentioned we have kids, 2 boys. The oldest is a emo, no doubt about that, he crys about everything, and my wife babies him. he's 11 and needs to act like a boy. Now my youngest is 6 and he's tough as nails. I don't beat my kids but I don't pamper them either, if they need a quick swat they get it. She's really starting to drive me up the wall. I've got some vacation time scheduled next month and I think I'll spend it away from her. She just ****** me off. I don't ask much, just work with me not against me and that's all it's been these last 2 weeks working against me. I think I've said a total of 6 words to her this last week.

I'm just letting off some steam before she walks in the door.

Part II

Well after she walked in the door she took my sons friend home and then fixed dinner. Afterwards I was going to try and figure out why she was acting this way. But she got to me first. She wanted to talk. First words out of her was I want a divorce.

That was on the 9th of August 2008. I didn't think what ever I did was that problematic. I was floored. That moment my entire world had strunken down into a 12x16 room and it was getting smaller and darker. I asked her why. She said she didn't love me any more and didn't want to continue on with this marriage. I had treated her badly for too long and she wasn't going to put up with it any longer. In that tiny room I paused and looked back on myself and I knew that I had treated her badly. I was feeling rejected by her and in turn I was rejecting her. Since I work a off shift I rairly ever get a chance to sleep with my wife. We would only have 4 hours together per day and less if the kids needed anything. So If I wanted to make love to my wife I had to hope and pray she was willing. When she wasn't willing to have sex with me out of the 2 nights per week we had I felt horrible bitterness towards her. I hated her because she wouldn't love me. I know that sound petty to some men and most women but it's an important part of marriage. I loved to kiss her I loved to hug her just to hold her but when she said no, I felt horrible rejection. I would leave bed and go to my computer. I'd rather not even try and not be rejected that try and be rejected. I loaded my computer with **** and spent every minute I could away from her. I set a cycle of hate in our marriage that lasted years.

sorry back to that night-

I had to leave I had to get out of the house I couldn't sit there trying to talk to a determined woman and possibly make things any worse. I drove east and cried to God for help. I called my mom about 20 minutes later while driving. She's a stead fast christian. She talked to me and prayed with me for nearly an 3 hours while I drove around.

I went back home and tried to sleep but I couldn't, my mind was devestated. That next morning it was Saturday and I finally convinced my wife that we could work this out, that I could change. We had been married 12 years and we couldn't just quit. She agreed and we went to church together for the first time in nearly a year. I was determined to prove myself to her that I loved her and that I could change. I hammered down and started getting things done around the house that I had put off for so long. I mowed the yard, took out the trash, worked hard to make a impact on the remodeling of the bathroom. I cleaned the house again from top to bottom. I was getting less that 3 hours of sleep a day all week I was determined to change things.

Saturday had come and we attend a church picnic I thought things were going to be better. That evening she had plans to go out with some of her freinds. Now I couldn't do anything but I knew this wasn't going to help me any. If I said no she couldn't go she would hate me. But I had to face the devil and let her go. The friends she was going with was a 35yr divorced wife, a 30yr divorced wife, and a 22yr single female, and maybe others. I didn't know of any married persons with them. So you can understand how I felt about this.

She came home around 10pm. She went straight past me and into bed. I wanted to find out if she had fun, trying to be kind and cautious. She said yea, Then I asked her if things were looking better for us and asked if she wanted to talk. She said she didn't know and she wanted to sleep. She was shutting me out and she was trying to avoid me. I asked her what happened and she said she just didn't want to stay married. This crushed me to the point I thought I was loosing everything I thought I would be better off if I just killed myself. I seriously considered this for some time. But I had to do what I could I had to call my brother and my mother again. I was hopeless. But I had one last chance to do one more thing. I cried out to God I told him this wasn't a battle I could win, even though I asked God for help I didn't give him control of the problem. I prayed that God would bless every word coming out of my mouth and that she would hear it with her heart. I was pushing against a wall and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't push this wall over. She was laying on the couch sleeping while I knelt beside her on the floor and I prayed my deepest prayers. I turned my life back to God right there.

5 hours later I reached over and gently took her hand and held it while she slepted and I prayed for her for her to have comfort and hope to give us another chance. A while later she woke up and I asked her to listen not to answer while I poured my heart out to her. I admitted that I was a wrong for treating her the way I did and with God's help we could do this. After me talking to her for about an hour she looked me in the eyes and she just said- I thought you would just let me go. She reached out and grabbed me and we hugged forever.

It's been a few days since we decided to do this. It seems so much longer though. Our lives have completely changed for the better.

I don't hate my wife. I hated the things she was doing. I hated the things I was doing.

I truely love her and I will live for her and we will do this together with God guidance and help.

I didn't have to reply back to this but I felt if I didn't someone else would think this was another hopeless post. It wasn't.

I'm telling you Guys there is hope. You can love your wife again and she can love you again.

These last few days have been the best of my entire life. We sit and talk we are open and completely honest with each other. We hold hands we do everything we can together. The TV hasn't been on in days and dust is gathering on my home computer. Right now she's at work and I'm waiting for the kids to get out of school.

One thing that has really helped us is a book my Brother recommended to us. It's call the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He explains how we express our love towards each other and how we are sometimes blind to this. We also been taking a marriage course offered by our church (Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs Love and Respect Course). I realize with compete clairty what we together was doing wrong.

If you want more information please please please reply to this message. We don't have to hate our wifes if we choose not to . God bless guys and good luck!

It's been several months now and life is awesome and it gets better every day. Miracles are happening in my life and blessings are abound. We have our third child on the way due in June.

Miracle Series - Bank fee's and God's Gift

I'm sure this blog is going to take me decades to write. Miracles large and small can affect a persons life in wonderful ways. Sometimes we recognize the miracle and we give glory to God. Sometimes we attribute it to shear luck, random chance, or winning the odds.

We had a miracle in our home today. My wife had setup herself a bank account some time back. It's purpose was to be her bank account once we got divorced. Once we worked though the marriage problems with God's guiding hand we kept it open as a splurge fund. You know going out on dates and getting extra things we don't really need. Well this account had recently caused us some hardship on top of our already stressed finances. There was a check that never cleared the account and my wife forgot about it. Later on it try to clear the account but bounced, at that same time my wife made 4 other tiny charges, (mcDonalds, starbucks) and on her debit card. The bank didn't refuse the charges but allowed them to clear and on top of that showed them as overdrafts. She never setup overdraft protection because it was her understanding that debit charges just would be refused.

This ended up costing us a extra $210. Money we didn't have.

This was going to be impossible for us to pay. Yes things are that tight right now. My wife talked to 4 different people and the bank manager over the phone. They wasn't going to retract the (IMO) dishonest fees. She finally met one of the other managers and they did take off $50. But they forced her to apply for their bank credit card. Then on top of that if we didn't pay it they was going to start charging $5 a day on top of this and send the collection angencies after us.

Well I started calling my parents and my brothers to start praying for us and I prayed for us. This was last week.

Now get this...Then yesterday my wife calls me at home and tells me that even though the car dealership she works is doing the lowest recorded sales since she worked there they still managed to push out Christmas bonus checks. They was going to be significantly smaller than last years checks. So anyone care to guess how much the check was for?


$200

Now tell me that isn't a miracle.

Existance

How people can deny that God is alive is beyond me. How can you not look at a sunset, the trees sway in the wind, the fearsomeness of a thunderstorm, the birth of a child and say there is no God? How everything in the world is so perfectly balanced. How the universe is so magnificently and finely tuned. How a tree's companionship to animals and man change our breath from poison back to fresh air. Thanks to sin though, the world isn't perfect as it was created. But you can see God's glorious works in every single thing this universe holds.

I have been a hobby astronomer since I was old enough to hold my grandfathers binoculars in my hand. I love to look at the uncountable points of light that pierce the dark blanket of night sky. To me as a child this was undeniable proof of a Great and Mighty Creator. I wasn't taught this I knew it at the very center of my own soul.


The cloud mass that crosses through the sky on the clear nights is called the Milky Way. Which is really our backyard view we have looking from Earth, through stellar plane of our galaxy, and into the further regions of outer space.

If we took a trip in a space ship and looked back on our galaxy we would see something that looks like this.



















Our Milky Way Galaxy is estimated to be 100,00 light years in diameter. (A light year is a measure of distance that light travels in the vacuum of space in one Earth year) In the galactic picture we are actually located in what is know as the Orion Arm of the Milky Way Galaxy . If you look at the illustration to the left you can see pointed out at small square in the Orion Arm that represents our Solar System.

In all actuality this is a perfect location for survival of the human species.


There is fantastic Book by Investigative Journalist Lee Strobel of the Chicago Tribune called "The Case for a Creator"

Here he interviews many astronomers, biologist, mathematicians, professors, evolutionary scientist, and all other areas of study that effects the creation and evolution theories.

He provides extremely compelling evidence that this world had to have a Creator. The entire universe is like a finely built Swiss watch. If any single component wasn't built to exact specifications the human race could never exist.


Cosmologist Carl Sagan who I greatly admire for his extensive work made a comment on this photo taken by the deep space satillite Voyager I in 1990. I quote:

We succeeded in taking that picture [from deep space], and, if you look at it, you see a dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.

The earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and in triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of the dot on scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner of the dot. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.

Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity -- in all this vastness -- there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us. It's been said that astronomy is a humbling, and I might add, a character-building experience. To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly and compassionately with one another and to preserve and cherish that pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.

Although I really enjoyed Carls Sagan's Cosmos TV series I have to disagree just based on his research alone. "there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves" Of course there is no hint, God isn't quite to those who are willing to listen. He sent his Son Jesus Christ who suffered a horrible and unforgetable punishment for my sins. He carried the weight of the entire world on his back and defeated death so we might have eternal life. Hint are just tiny clues. Jesus is the wide open eyed truth.

Please everyone go to your local libabry or book store and look for Lee Strobel's book. I know Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron debate on abc wasn't overwhelming proof you needed. (see youtube). I understand the compelexity of the human eye and its perfect design. I understand the odds of everything working together on the human body which deems evoltion as highly impossible. Don't listen to the atheisit activist that just give you point blank around the edge facts. That's 99% truth and 1% lie tactics. They don't want or even try to realize they do this.

The evidence is there.

Deception

Don't be deceived. I know many of you are good and strive to live a better life as a better person. But don't be tricked. If you don't seek out God's truth you're living in Satan's masquerade. Of course you don't understand what I mean there because you don't want to believe it. You want to feel safe as a you are, you want to be comfortable as you are. You are accustom to the sinful life you live in.

Take me for example. Over the course of 15 years of my life this is what slowly transpired:

Sure looking at pornography wasn't bothering me back then. I had plenty of photos on my computer and I spent plenty of time looking at these girls. When my wife left for work I headed straight to my computer to find the newest girls posting their photos. Slowly my love for my wife fell short and it made her feel less loved and honestly speaking this was true I didn't love my wife as I should have. I didn't respect my children as a father should have. My marriage was heading down hill because I willfully disobeyed God and I willfully let Satan into my life. This is a bigger story than what I want to share here but understand this...

The path of God is narrow. If you don't listen to the warnings of the Holy Spirit you can find yourself off the path quickly. First it's a beautiful grassy prairie with nice flowers and a deep blue sky. There's nothing wrong here I just told a little white lie. Soon one lie leads to another and the grass is just fine here as well so it seems. You check out the new girl at work wandering what she would look like naked. One hot chick right? Speaking of hotties, there's a ton of liberally naked gals on the internet. Your neighbor gets a fancy new car and you envy him and hate him for what he has. But you live a good life but why don't God let you have a new car? In that small paragraph so many commandments are broken. Even if they wasn't commandments you would still feel bad over those feelings if just sat down and looked at yourself. After many years off the path you find yourself in a barren and forsaken wasteland.

Okay by now you can't even make out where the path was at but that's ok with you since everything "seems" fine. I mean nothing bad has happened so everything must in fact be good. You only broke a handful of God's commandments right and God is a merciful God right? We bank on that.

I don't know if this is everyone but at the the end of the day when it was just me alone in bed I still had an emptiness and a feeling of loneliness in my heart. I thought my marraige was Ok I thought my kids were fine. But I was easy to anger, quick to defend, and easy to offend others. I didn't realize how much I had changed and how much I didn't like who I had become. My wife's love faded and my kids didn't want to listen to us. My life, my marriage, my soul was teatering on the event horizon. Everything wasn't fine as the world lead me to believe.

So please understand the deception isn't quick, it isn't a hard proven lie and it isn't obvious. There's a fight for your soul going on between good and evil. Evil, a quite and slow monster, sneaks up on you like a cancer. Not likely to be discovered until it is too late. But there is hope....

Fearing Hell

I originally posted this in response to Ray Comforts blog but added and edited some to start my own blog. Here's the link this is in reference to.

I don't fear Hell in the sense most people think. I fear any existence without God. I fear that if I don't live how Jesus lives I won't hear him say "Dory, Job well done". I truly want to see my grandparents and all those who walked before me in Heaven. I don't need streets of gold or a mansion. I don't need anything but to be in the presence of the high and mighty God. I love Jesus Christ not out of fear but for what he has done for me and my family time and time again while I lived a sinful life. He blesses me everyday with the his loving presence in my life.

Now on another hand I do fear the physical Hell for the lost. The other night I had a fire going in my fireplace. The fire needed some logs tossed on it. So I stirred up the embers and a burst of heat came at me and gave my arm a good cooking. It stung horribly and there in that moment I knew that that pain could be eternal for the lost. Then comes the old phrase -once burned lessen learned-. People don't understand once judgment comes to pass there is no second chance. Hell is more than fire. It's darkness with out God. It's hopelessness with out Jesus Christ. It's being lost with out every having guidance of the gracious Holy Spirit.

How people can deny that God is alive is beyond me. How can you not look at a sunset, the trees sway in the wind, the fearsomeness of a thunderstorm, the birth of a child and say there is no God? How everything in the world is so perfectly balanced. How the universe is so magnificently and finely tuned. How a tree is companion to animals and man to change our breath from poison back to fresh air. Thanks to sin the world isn't perfect but you can see God's glorious works in every single thing this universe holds.

Don't be deceived. I know many of you are good and strive to live a better life as a better person. But don't be tricked. If you don't seek out God's truth you're living in Satan's masquerade.